My FuCkEd Up CoLlEgE LiFe
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Wow, God I hate my life sometimes....
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt... ::sob:: Why can't you be with the one you love forever... every minute everyday... Fuck everyone, no seriously, fuck everyone that says that you need to "miss someone". NOWHERE IS IT WRITTEN IN STONE AND MADE A LAW THAT YOU NEED TO MISS SOMEONE... Why go thru pain when you could juss, be with the person? u know? So fuck you whoever told me that, you know who u are, and I hope you hate me forever. :-D Now, onto pleasant things. Wait, let me think... pleasant things pleasant things.... I'm home right now, Fort Laudi dadi...Werd to yo momma from da FTL sTrEeTs..."Now you wanna run around talkin bout guns like i aint got none, what u think i sold em all? Wow... do ever randomly write down everything that crosses your mind... or say it? Like Tourette's? well I do... I love it. I wanna announce that Matt and I are tryin not to break up every other night and things are lookin bright ;-)hmm ..... Well, a lot of shit has happened since I wrote last... shit like gettin separated by my "supposed" best friend Amber Turner, who moved in with my lesbian ex roomate who is dating Amber's sister whose name is also Amber who juss entered the Navy. Amber is engaged... congratulations... I am happy for you... good job, I hope you don't end up with nothing tho becoz u know it's hard gettin married young and tryin to start a life... and bo oh boy, wait till those damn children come rollin' in... tough luck. Any who, So, much more happened also since I wrote like... Me hating Dustin Hickman "matt's best bud" for letting Matt's ex-bitch stay at his house... what the FUCK are you doin here bitch? This isn't WhoreTown!!! Anyway, So yea a lot happened with her she said some nasty shit to me, I threatened ya know the usual "don't fuck w me bitch, blah blah blah" and she put her tail between her legs and backed off... thx to matt who told her off (mite I add... that happened becoz of me who forced him to do so (call her ass up n bitch her out)) Cause and Effect. Anywho imma go now... wut a boring journal... love you matt
P.S. Everyone who keeps talkin shit bout me n Matt always being together... look at ur fuckin selves and realize that where YOU are in ur life, is absolutley NOWHERE!
Current mood:  bitchy
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Dear Matt,
Read this carefully and fully and not too fast. It's everything in lyrical form that I've always wanted to tell you but because I'm highly insensitive when confronted by "sensitive" matters face to face i had to write it. We could talk bout it later. I just want you to know that it took me about three hours to even convince myself to write it online.You need to know how i REALLY seriously feel about you.
Can’t believe I need to see you all the time
Otherwise I can’t think of anything else to do but cry
I don’t understand it and don’t think you would either
It’s a complicated thing
I don’t know if I’m damaging myself like this…
Crying, thinking, dreaming, worrying about you always
I know it does hurt though when I’m away from you
It hurts so bad
I never thought anyone could have that effect on me, ever
Thought I could live my life cold-heartedly, selfishly
But you came around and messed up my plans
You often ask what I’m thinking about…
And that moment when you put me on the spot
I don’t know how to tell you what I’m thinking
Afraid it might hurt or anger you
Afraid of what you might think of me
And as you lay there begging me to please tell you what's on my mind
I say "nothing" and watch you sigh in dissapointment
It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's just hard
Because if I'm saying it in my head that means something keeps me from sayin it out loud
don't know what... but know that it doesn't matter coz i love you so much
so much that it can't be described... but only felt
just those three words mean so much to me that i want you to know that when i say it
I mean it to the fullest, i cant stress that enough
It might sound obssessive, but its not, its rare true golden great love that i love giving you.
My worse fear is losing you at this point in my life
The thought of that brings me to tears
And as I’m writing this I’m tearing up
Deep pains penetrating my head and throat
How have I become so sensitive??
What the hell did you do to me?
Though we’re miles away from each other
I would give my mind, body and soul to the devil
To feel your lips on mine
And your fingers wiping my tears away.
It just hurts so bad right now I don’t want to write.
I don’t want to think
I just want to cry and sleep this whole break
I just want you
P.S. I love you and tho its only been a day in fort liquor-dale, i juss miss you so fuckin much that everyone in the house thinks i need to seek mental aid. What kinda shit is that? :-D byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :-*
Current mood:  blah Current music: prerogative- britney!!!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Hello,
I love Matt. eh, what's new huh?
P.S. Not only was this the laziest post ever, but I would love to conclude with two words that make me feel all tingly inside...
FUCK BUSH!!!
Anddddd WHAT bitches!!! hahahaha
Current mood: cranky
Monday, November 8, 2004
Dear everyone,
OMFG, its like 1:09 am n im still in fort liquordale, im bored. the usual around here unless something big happens.I'm so lonely.... i need matt... no really, i need him. I'm like dying. It's not like i can juss grab any old guy and kiss him for 5 minutes.... i WISH!!!!!! well, wait, that sounds wrong... i mean... oh wait, never fuckin mind, im such an idiot. Anyway... i went to a car show today and omfg, scions are awesome....!!!!!!!!! mmmm mountain dew is good. So is sex, i miss sex... i want sex... i want.... SUGAR!!!! I NEED SUGAR!!! omg, haha, no seriously, u know wut i fuckin need? a cigarette!!! i havent had one all day and im so fuckin nervous and frieking out. And wow, did u know its Matt's bday today? hes 20!!!!! wow, the big 2-0! great thing, hes almost 21.............. u know wut that means... awwww im juss playin. well, im gonna go watch home alone now n fall asleep and dream bout that asshole back in orlando who has megan calling his ass and shes probably on the fuckin way over to his place to give him his "bday present" and hes probably gonna b like oh yea baby give it all to me and im probably never gonna find out becoz he knows that if i do id probably flip out but hey whatever he can do whatever he wants with the bitch meghan becoz i DONT FUCKIN CARE!!! :-) i love myself... goodnight... :-)
p.s: do u think im crazy? coz i do.
Current mood:  energetic Current music: Queen-- i want to break free
Thursday, November 4, 2004
Ok, I'm at vlado's n matt's house.... and god i'm bored. thankfully vlad is up n keeping me company... i tried getting Greg to come over n he said well maybe. Matt's passed out of course. I don't understand how I can be with a man who always falls asleep so fast. Wow, i probably just love him enough to not give a damn. I'm going to Daytona in a couple of hours... well a few... with Krystal. It's gonna be fun, we're going to shop. Shop??? I CANT FUCKIN SHOP ANYMORE!@!!! Everytime i go shopping i spend at least 200 $, its like a problem i have.. like smoking, and drinking and ummm fucking.... yea good stuff. Vlad listens to great music. I wish Matt didnt ONLY listen to rap and i wish he wouldnt criticize wut i listen to. I mean i listen to rap also a lot, but im big on variety. oh well. anyway. I'm eating at the olive garden again tommorrow but in daytona. Fun fun, yum yum. I'm going to fort lauderdale via jet on friday night around 8-ish. Coming back on Monday around 7-ish... at night. I cant wait to go back but i dread seeing my dad. i know it sounds mean but its so fucken true yo. Anyway, i wanna see my two kitties, i bet they miss me.... not... fuckin brats. i wish i could makeout wit matt rite now... oh my god, the man's got GREAT lips... ahhhhhhhhhhhh to die for. haha not to mention great other thangs.... but thats for me to no n for u to never FIND OUT!!!!! ok im out... bye!
Current mood:  awake Current music: air- Venus
Friday, October 29, 2004
Hey everyone, what’s up? Ok, I wrote a really long friggin journal yesterday and it juss so happens that my computer decided to crash on me. Fuckin nerd. Anyway, I have a cold today, pretty bad, I felt like pure shit when I woke up this morning. My doc’s appt is at 2:15… I don’t even know why I visit the health center, I mean they don’t even know what the word diagnose means. The last time I was there my doc told me all I had was a throat infection and that it can be relieved by advil and cough medicine. I was like, ok, but I need the z-pak… works every time. He told me he honestly did not believe that I needed that. So I said ok, thinking, hey hes the fuckin doctor, maybe he knows what hes talking bout. Well, u know wut, bull fuckin shit, I showed up at his office yet again a few days later basically dying. I was like, look, prescribe me a fuckin z-pak thing. And hes like ok… 3 days later, I was feeling like a princess again. Well folks, it juss comes to show that… you… can be… ur own doctor?? Maybe? Yea? I think so. Ohhhhh that’s right, im giving myself plastic surgery this week… yea…. Should take bout an hour for the left boob. HEYYYYY…. Lets talk bout the pub Wednesday night… I wrote bout it on the other journal before my comp crashed. Well, I can honestly fuckin say that I DO NOT want my boyfriend to EVER drink again, unless he knows hes not gonna get sick. Poor thing… I felt bad. But hey, whatever, no one told him to drink… oh wait dustin did… HAHAHAHA well still, don’t listen to your friends, they are the worse people on earth sometimes… esp if they’re already drunk. I love to drink so I got pretty plastered Wednesday night. It was great… except I gotta give two pieces of advice for bar-goers… well women bar-goers…. Hold ur goddamn pee. Go outside and squat over a BUSH (haha get it?) if you have to pee, but whatever you do, do NOT pee at bar bathrooms. It’s gross. Have to puke? Ok, when r drunk u probably don’t notice the pee on the floor… the one u kneel on… but watch where you put ur head !!! never, neverrrrr EVERR, lay ur face down on the edges of the toilet seat because vomit decorates that part. Other people’s vomit. EW??? YOU DON’T WANT WHAT THEY ATE 5 HOURS AGO ON UR FACE NOW DO YOU???? Just thrust ur head towards the inside of the toilet and, even thought ur looking down at piss soaked toilet wads and pee water, juss think… “well since im disgusted, maybe I can puke EVERYTHING out” then u’ll feel like a champ. The champ of all throw up. That’d be nice… ***dazing…. Ahhhh….*** anyways…. For those of you who know me, we all know I have a flirting problem. I flirt wit guys I don’t even give a shit bout when im drunk and usually have to deal with it with matt later on. That fuckin sux. Don’t piss of ur man… it DOES suck. Especially if you want you guys have to last… u don’t want your life to be a buncha bullshit… anyway, I love the man, so no one and nothing can take me away from that. I totally regret doing kissing his friend… and his other friend…. And of course Patrick….. and all those times were because I was drunk…. I owe it to myself to never let alcohol affect my relationship again… well ill try my best at least, it juss makes me nervous to think what if this bullshit happens again, do I tell him or not? Like, could I risk my relationship like that?well, like vlad says, “if you love him as much as u say u do, don’t drink”…. Easier said than done, but its worth a try not to drink my ass off without him. I cant lose him, you don’t understand… ill go insane. Alright, im gonna go finish watchin tom n jerry… or wutever the cartoon;’s called.
p.s drink cherry coke…. Yum
Current mood:  sick Current music: i dunno
Friday, October 22, 2004
For all of u in relationships... here's 101 tips... sweet things to do for ur bf/gf... coming up on my next entry.... sex tips ;-)the ones i think is cliche or i think is cheesy i put a "WTF" and a comment at the end of them.
1. Watch the sunset together.
2. Take showers together. "WTF"
3. Back rubs/massages.
4. Listen to classical music and cuddle in the dark or w/ blacklight.
5. French Kiss.
6. Hold her w/ hands inside the back of her shirt.
7. Whisper to each other.
8. Cook for each other.
9. Skinny dip.
10. Make out in the rain.
11. Dress each other. "WTF".. I CAN PUT ON MY OWN CLOTHES THANK YOU VERY MUCH
12. Undress each other.
13. Kiss every part of their body.
14. Hold hands.
15. Sleep together. (Actually sleep with each other…not sex) "WTF" AFTERRRRR SEX... J/P LOLOL
16. One word…Foreplay
17. Sit and talk in just underwear. "WTF" OK??
18. Buy gifts for each other.
19. Roses.
20. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you’re together.******BONUS*****TURN ON!
21. Wear his clothes. "WTF" UMM.....
22. Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars. "WTF"... AS LONG AS ITS NOT CVI'S WOODS.
23. Incense/candles/oils/blacklights and music make for great cuddling/sex.
24. Kiss at every chance you get.
25. Don’t wear underwear and let them find out. "HAHAHAHAHA"... GOOD ONE
26. Kinky is bad…Blindfolds are good. "WTF"...KINKY? IS BAD?
27. Lightly kiss their collarbone and their jawbone just below the ear, then whisper I love you.
28. Bubble baths.
29. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
30. Make love.
31. Write poetry for each other."WTF": NOT TOO MUCH OF THAT BULLSHIT NOW....
32. Kiss/smell her hair.
33. Hugs are the universal medicine.
34. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
35. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.
36. Tell her that she’s the only girl you ever want. Don’t lie.
37. Spend every second possible together.
38. Tell her that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. And mean it.
39. Look into each other’s eyes.
40. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly."NICCCE".... VERY VERY CUTE....CERTIFIED N APPROVED BY SAM
41. Talk to each other using only body language and your eyes.
42. When in public, only flirt w/ each other.
43. Walk behind her and put your hands in her front pockets.
44. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren’t looking.
45. Clothes are no fun. "WTF" WHAT YOU WEAR CAN DETERMINE HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO GET INTO YOUR CLOTHES...REVEALING IS GOOD... ;-)
46. Buy her a ring.
47. Keep one of her bras somewhere where you see it everyday."WTF" OBSSESSIVE I THINK
48. Sing to each other. "WTF" NOOOOOOOO... ONLY WHEN UR PLAYIN AROUND
49. Read to each other. "WTF" HMMM PLAYBOY OR PLAYGIRL... J/P AS LONG AS ITS NOT CHARLES DICKENS OR SUM'N
50. PDA = Public Display of Affection.
51. Take advantage of any time alone together. "ohhhhhhhhh YEA!!!"
52. Tell her about how you answered every question in math with her name."WTF" THEN I'D SAY MY BOYFRIEND'S A DUMBASS...
53. Draw. (If you can) "WTF???" DRAW WUT? UR PENIS??
54. Let her sit on your lap.
55. Go hiking and camp out together in the woods or on a mountain."IN THE WOODS HUH????"
56. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, and fingers, and cheeks, and collarbones, and hands, and ears.
57. Kiss her stomach. "OHHHHH GOD PLEASE NOOOO IM WAYYYYY TOOOOOOOO TICKLISH!!!!"
58. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
59. Guys like half-shirts. "WTF" DO I FUCKIN CARE? I WEAR WUT I FEEL COMFORTABLE WEARING"
60. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal."WTF""NO DINNER FOR TWO... THATS GAY, MAYBE"
61. Spaghetti… (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?) "WTF!!!!!!" GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
62. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart. CUTE VERY CUTE
63. Unless you can feel their heart beating, you aren’t close enough.
64. Dance together. "WTF" AT A PARTY HOPEFULLY
65. Sit in front of a roaring fire and make out/make love. "MY FAVE""""" HAHAHAHA
66. I love the way a girl looks right after she’s fallen asleep with her head in my lap."WTF DOES THIS MEAN???"
67. Carry her to bed.
68. Waterbeds are fun. "WTF" NO TRUST ME THEYRE NOT... "
69. You figure it out. "WTF DOES THIS ONE MEAN? LET'S SHOOT THE PERSON WHO MADE THIS LIST UP
"
70. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it. "HAHA NOOOOOOOOOO, COZ SOME1 LIKE ME WOULD B LIKE WHY THE FUCK IS THAT WORD SPELLED BACKWARDS?" LOL
71. Break every one of your parent’s relationship rules for them. "BEEN THERE DONE THAT"
72. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes "WTF" TOOOO OBSSESSIVE"
73. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you. "DEFINATELY"
74. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
75. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
76. Ride your bike 8 miles just to see them for a few hours.WTF "NOOOO DRIVE UR FUCKIN CAR"
77. Ride home and call them. "WTF" I DONT GET WUTS SO IMPORTANT BOUT THIS ONE"
78. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
79. Somehow incorporate them into any kind of religion or worship you have."WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF" "NOOO DONT INFLUENCE PPL"
80. Be Prince Charming to her parents. (Brownie Points)"WTF" "DONT FAKE IT N DONT PUSH IT NOW"
81. Act out mutual fantasies together. (Not necessarily sexual) "WTF" HMMMMMM I DUNNO
82. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
83. Stay up all night to think of 101 ways to be sweet to them. "WTF""OBSSESSIVE"
84. Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points) "WTF" ONLY WITH HIM THERE TOO
85. Go to church/pray/worship together. "WTF" NO NOT IF HES NOT UR RELIGION"
86. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked. "WTF!": SOMETIMES, NOT NECESSARILY A ROMANTIC FLIQ.. THATS GAY"
87. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night.
88. Learn from each other and don’t make the same mistake twice. "YESSSSS "
89. Everyone deserves a second chance. "WTF" NOT WITH ME U DONT... FUCK UP, UR DONE BOI... EXCEPT FOR MATT, I'D GIVE HIM A MILLION CHANCES UNLESS A GIRL'S INVOLVED, OR SOMETHING BIG LIKE HE MURDERS MY SISTER OR CAT...
90. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
91. Make sacrifices for each other. "WTF" DEPENDS
92. Really love each other, or don’t stay together. "WTF!!!! GIVE IT TIME FIRST THEN LOVE EACH OTHER"
93. Write a fictional story about how you met/fell in love, etc. and give it to them. "NOOO WTF!"
94. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren’t thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
95. Love yourself before you love anyone else. "WTF NOT NECESSARILY... THAT PERSON CAN MAKE U LOVE URSELF"
96. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages. "I CAN TEACH PPL ITALIAN N FRENCH... OOOO LA LA "
97. Dedicate songs to them on the radio. "HMMM I DUNNO"
98. Fall asleep on the phone with each other. "NOOOO... THATS STUPID SAY GOODNIGHT N FUCK U N GO TO SLEEP!"
99. Sleep naked together. "NO NOT NAKY... CUTE BOXERS N PJ'S"
100. Stand up for them when someone talks trash. "PLEASE... THAT'D B NICE"
101. Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say, "Sweet dreams." "YEAAAAA GOOD STUFF"
Current mood: bored
Hey, what's up... ok im overreacting. I'm in my room with Amber, and I juss all of a sudden had one of those frequent flashbacks of matt and bust out crying along with her lol... wow, i havent seen him in juss a few hours only and im already frieking out. goddamn, can u imagine a whole entire x-mas break? or spring break?? or ... or SEMESTER BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omfg, i think im goin nuts! ah!!you juss don't understand how he makes me feel, its like nothing ever. And, well for those of u who seriously no me, u no that I'm not really "affectionate" or "soft" or "sensitive". Well, I'm sensitive when it comes to getting pissed off, yea but in lovey dovey bullshit. BLAHHHH... haha... THAT'S immature. Well, but, that's what i'm saying. He makes me realize that i can actually really, patheticalllllllllyyyyyy, like someone a lot... love someone,u know? I dunno, i guess i always front as a hard-ass becoz i'm afraid of getting hurt again, or i'm afraid of rejection as i have never been and never want to be rejected... ever! I wouldn't know wut to do. I think thats part of why I'm such a bitch at times. I got angry the other night coz Matt said I was being a bitch again. HAHA i got angry. Sometimes i feel like getting the fuck outta my body and stand right in front of it and say, dude... you know wut, you fuckin AREEEEEEE a bitch, obviouslyyyy. Anyway, I;m really tired, I'm watching the Garfield movie, its kinddaaaaa funny, definately a chiq fliq.Not good. ok, imma go lay down now, and keep watchin it n thinking bout mah man.
P.S. Nobody call me tonite except if its matt... coz i honestly don't feel like talking to anyone. See ya
Current mood: crushed Current music: at last... etta james
4:33AM
Hey everyone, or no one... who the fuck reads this shit... retards. I'm at matt's place... yay. I"m so fucking tired I need 12 more hours of sleep or else I', gonna die. How bout i'm dropping another class huh?
How fucking fucked up is that? I now have dropped chem, western civ, and now yes... speech. WHO THE HELL FUCKS UP IN SPEEECH!!! god, im such a dumbass.I still have macroeconomics. I hate the fact that I'm wasting my parents' money. Oh well... my dad would kill me I no it. I can't even spell know... haha. OMG! Hey Amber, if you're reading this, I hope everything works out gr8 with Bradford... if not... oh well, you know we will find some1 lolololol. I should go home n sleep. Or, I can stay here with Matt becoz he's leaving to Vero tommorrow. Gr8, a whole fucking weekend without Travis... I MEAN MATT.... HAHA, he'd laugh. I wanted to go home this weekend, but IU decided not to and just stay and be part of the haunted house. I TOTALLY forgot that my mom was coming this Saturday, so I told her on the phone to not come becoz of this whole halloween shit. I also want to party, I wanna get dressed up as a slutty ass nurse or french maid and go out n party. I need to drink... LOTSA ALCOHOL... I haven't done the usual lately. I've been good. I mean, is it too much to ask? To get juss a little buzzed? or maybe even totally fucked up for just one night. How gr8 would that be. ok, imma go now n be with matt. bye. love u amber....
Current mood:  exhausted Current music: go dj... lil wayne
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Hellllloooooo, ok i'm really really really bored so im gonna write a goddamn journal. I'm a loser haha. Tuesdays = no class, fun fun. I have a lot to talk bout tho. Well, i went out for Kari's birthday party last night and invited Christyna since we were both roomates over the summer n Kari was one of our suitemates.I mean we had tons of fun blah blah blah but I still felt the tension between us, not to mention Amber was sitting right in front of her. Ty (Christyna for short) had her friend Ashley with her and I could not believe what she told Amber. "Hey, you ARE a thick white chick" WTFFFFF was that!!! Dude, thats juss---- rude! But I guess she kept it in and decided to enjoy her night. I didn't even know she told her that until after dinner.Oh and also someone from the other table had the courtesy of saying that I look like a stuck up bitch. Well lick me u stupid whore!!!! AHH! Anyways, Christyna did her thing, being loud and laughing her ass off with Ashley, and I juss sat there and thought bout all the times that was me she was laughing with. I dont miss those days really because a lot of the time everything was bullshit and I never really understood if she was serious bout our friendship or not. Well whatever so I dropped her off home with her friend and went off to matt's place. Ohhhhhh I love Matt. Let's talk bout him a little. I can honestly say Im not confused anymore about if he really likes me or not becoz I know he does. Thats really cool coz I definately know I havent felt this way bout any guy before.He's juss like everything to me... he understands me, talks to me, and u know, cool stuff. But, little things still annoy me. Not so much bout him but about myself. I don't understand what I need to do to trust him... or anyone... or MYSELF!!! Last night some stupid ho imed him and said hey sexy baby. And that right there, those three fuckin words, sent an incomprehensible blood rush to my head. WTF made me so angry. I didn't even wanna talk to him... wasnt even his fault!!! Errrrr. Makes me furious to know he knows other girls. But why? I don't even understand it myself. But, he doesn't care if I have guy friends. I mean, these are guys that I have "done" stuff with in the past and still talk to them. I guess I'm just afraid of losing him, i dunno. And omfg, the girl's from Vero. Fucked up!!! Wait, I'm getting angry again. I mean, I totally see how immature I'm being, but i really can't help how i feel bout things, its not healthy. Oy vay, help hellllp HELP!!!! Maybe I need to get away from Orlando a bit, away from Matt????? Maybe??? nooooooo, i don't see enough of him anyway. But there are other annoynig factors. Two words.... HIS BROTHER!!!!OMG, if I can juss take that boys neck and twist it till his head pops, that would be a glorious time. I don't even know how to show respect to him at least because of the simple fact of him being matt's bro. I just fuckin hate him. It's like, well you no wut, I get easily angered and he juss, he juss set me off. And his nasty ass friend who was with him on Halloween horror nights. BLAHHHHH NaStY!!! Well,fuck it. I need a cig. I need to quit. If someone has any techniques other than the traditional quitting methods, inform meeeeeeeeeeee..... NOW! Coz, I enjoy smoking but i need to stop this bullshit. It's getting outta hand. I mean over a pack a day ? AM i insane???? I thank my roomate for trying her hardest by posting signs all over the fuckin room ":Stop smoking.... CANCER!!!" haha shes gr8. I am gonna post later on tonite again, if i get bored becoz see, i have no life... since i only have two classes... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Current mood: hehe Current music: Deftones... house of flies
Saturday, October 16, 2004
OK, well i really don't think that my day could've gotten n e worse. This morning, I visited my western civ teacher who strate up told me that I had an 80% chance of failing his class. So, he advised me to either take the F or withdraw from class. As I sat there like a pussy crying n shit, I thought bout the email i got from my speech teacher telling me to consider withdrawing from his class also. I was horrified n confused... even though, yes, it is my fault becoz A)never going to classes ...and... B)I need to study MORE!!! That leaves me with macroeconomics every thursdays from 6:30- 9:30 pm Well anyway, then as I'm going to west. civ class at 11:30 it fuckin POURSSSSS!!!! So I sat thru speech n western civ "air conditioned" rooms in my piercing cold wet clothes! TO make matters more worse, I had not slept the whole night and stupidly chugged two starbucks double shot espressos, and slapped on a nicotine patch in or to quit smoking. The combination made me go NuTs!! I was told that I was talking bout something that I said in three sentences, each sentence meaning the same thing but worded differently.... ummm? OK, so I took off the patch coz it was driving me nuts, and I went to Halloween Horror Nights with Amber, Matt,Matt's bro, and sum fuckin friend... dont even remember the jerk's name. To make this short, shit was said behind my back while I WAS WALKING IN FRONT OF EM!!! What a buncha idiots! So I buts out yelling at his bro, asking him what the fuck his problem with me was, and blah blah blah. I am so confused... I can't believe I already hate his brother. It fuckin sux coz i reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyy like Matt a lot, and it juss seems like its not working out. I hate most his friends, i'm not exageratting or intentionally trying to b a bitch but i find flaws in them that i really honestly dont enjoy dealing with. So, fuck em. What happens b/w Matt n I hopefully continues, but I just dont know if I should juss tell him, hey lets see other ppl. I would hate to say that, but it probably would end up happening. Not likely, but maybe someday. I just don't know if he feels the same about me as I do for him. I am gonna give him a shot n see where it leads, coz, well I dig the boy. :-)
P.S. pissed off coz i should b wit matt rite now, but i cant, i hate his bro haha
Current mood: irate Current music: Jewel: pieces of you
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
OK, i've done this before and i always thought it was for losers... guess im a loser now huh? oh well, thanks to Vladimir, he gave me the idea to do this shit again. Well okay, here's a little about me in one word: BITCH. It's ok, it feels great to be one... I control the world HAHAHA no seriously: I'm a 6'4 blonde with no ass and i'm white as hell and i have freckles on my forehead, i am 15 years old, i live in orlando, i drive a buick, my address is 540 NW 3rd Street, it's the orange house on the left... you can't miss it, so stop by anytime.
Everything i juss told u is the truth. No, juss kidding... the truth: I'm 5'4, tanned, half trini half italian, i am 18 years old, have a hot sexy latino boyfriend... i mean whoops... hahahaha no he's white, tall, and oh so cute. I go to UCF and i'm definately not proud to be a motherfuckin knight since we havent won one goddamn game yet. that's ok, i have faith in em... NOT This was all the truth, i swear... ok don't believe me FINE i'm talking to the screen as if it hears me!!! It's 4:59 am, i'm tired, i want matt, i wanna go out for a cigarette. bye
Current mood:  horny Current music: i dunno
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